The Secret to Happiness
She sent me a message that said she doesn’t know how I keep all of my sh*t together and that she’s happy for me and envious at the same time.
She’s always wanted a baby, and she figured by the age of 32 she’d be married with three kids. She’s now considering that her vision might not be in the cards for her.
My response moved through my fingers as if someone else had taken over:
I never wanted this. I never expected it. I was trying to survive my whole life, I wasn’t thinking of one day when I’d grow up and get married and have kids with a white picket fence. I thought I’d be dead by the time I was 17. When I made it to 18, I figured I’d better start creating something.
I think it comes easier for me to fill up on amazing things because I never had any preconceived notion of how, or if, they would come in the first place.
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I never tainted all of the avenues in which they could come by being so attached to how it looked that I shut down other possibilities. I knew how I wanted to feel, and I kept feeling…that.
I knew how I wanted to feel, and I kept feeling…that.
Choose Happiness
I often say that I’d never let my love (for one person) stand in the way of my lifestyle. I’d always choose feeling “happy” over feeling “love” if the love was madness.
This notion actually adds to the extent of which I’m capable of loving, because it’s free love, it is a choice. I want to be there.
So often I see people choosing “love” over “happiness” as if they’re stuck in love. They are often the same people that fall in love but have trouble staying in love.
Clients come in with a story that’s already embedded in every one of their neuro-pathways that “this is how a relationship should be”, or “this is what is true about relationships”, or “I’m in this relationship but can’t accept this, this, and this, about it.”
To my demise and benefit, I didn’t have examples of the kind of relationship that I would want, so I never got stuck on needing to have one. I never had childhood day-dreams of growing up and being a mother, or wearing a wedding dress. I never considered what kind of work I would do, or where I would go.
I never had childhood daydreams of growing-up.
Don’t Be a Monkey
What I’m proposing is a bit like the monkey trap. Monkeys are captured in India through a bottle – that is big enough to fit their hand in and out of – with a banana placed inside.
The monkey is so consumed by having the goods inside of the bottle that, even though a capturer comes to throw a bag over its head, the monkey does not release the banana – though he’s terrified he’s about to get captured.
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The hole is large enough for the monkey’s hand, but not large enough for his hand and the banana together. The monkey gives up his life for the sake of hanging on to this stupid banana when if he’d just let go, he’d be free.
That banana is emblematic of the projections I see so many people hanging onto about what their life “should” look like.
“My relationship should look like this, so I’m failing to enjoy the relationships I’m in”.
“I should have kids by this time, so I’m using my energy to be envious.”
“I should have a nicer home by now, so I can’t stand to come to my own sanctuary every day.”
The list is endless—and it’s all just bananas.
That money could go into the wilderness and get a better banana, for free, maybe even with enough to go around, but he can’t let go of his attachment to getting this one banana. Beyond the attachment to the banana itself, he can’t let go of what he needs to do to get the banana he wants.
The monkey gives up his life hanging on to the banana when if he’d just let go, he’d be free.
Finding Endless Bananas
My bananas were somewhere in a vast wilderness, scary as anything, but free from the mental captivity of “this is how you get bananas” and “this is the banana I have to have,” so I didn’t have to give up my essence to obtain them.
Partnerships and motherhood came easy to me, simply because I could take it or leave it. If it came, I’d find a way to see it as a blessing. If it didn’t, I’d find a way to see it as a blessing. If it left, I’d find a way to see it as a blessing.
I never wanted it enough to give up on it completely after a disappointment, and I never completely wanted it enough to give up my true essence for it.
I focused on how I wanted to feel and swung to a different tree if I didn’t feel 100% like myself. In the process of not sitting in the branches hoping for the tree to change or grow me more bananas, of not tainting my life experience with being stuck in the same tree when I could’ve roamed free, or have my hand stuck in someone else’s trap for what I thought my life should feel like, I found a whole forest with my name written all over it. Here, the bananas are endless.
Here, the bananas are endless.
Keeping It Open
People miss this part: they miss the thing they’re really wanting. The monkey might want the banana because he’s hungry or because he’s bored. The banana is just a symbol of what he really wants. Food or a toy to play with.
If I wanted a relationship, I found ways to be in an intimate relationship with everyone I knew. I became radically honest and crazy authentic. If I wanted kids, I’d go teach someone else’s kids if I didn’t already have them. If I wanted a better house, I’d say every day how grateful I am for the one I’ve already got.
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I’m not confused about what I want. What I want is to quench my thirst for life. Not having the glass I want to drink it out of isn’t going to stop me from cupping my hands and drinking it from a raging river.
A friend once stuck out her open hand in a cupped position and said, “If I poured water into my hand, how would I keep it?” I stared. She replied, “If I closed my hand to keep the water, it would all slip through my fingertips. The only way I can keep it is by keeping it open.”
The only way I can keep the water is by keeping my hands open.
What Should You Do Now?
I remained open to how things would come and how things would go. This way of being has led me to places I’d never dare to dream of, inside of myself and inside of my life.
Let go of your bananas.
Stay open.
Drink whatever water tastes good no matter what container it comes in.
It all comes.
This, I promise.
Bonus: To be happy, think of others first. To be unhappy, think only of oneself:
How to let go: meditate!
HELP GOSTICA RAISE THE VIBRATIONS AND SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
Source: consciousreminder
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누군가이를 비비며 말했습니다. “은,이 돈은 어디에서 왔습니까? 사람들의 지방이 아닙니다.”
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그러나 Liu Jian의 말은 중간에 끝났지 만 계속할 수 없었습니다.
bmipas.com
素晴らしい記事で、心から感動しました。共有せずにはいられません。
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nikontinoll.com
Zhu Houzhao와 Fang Jifan은 Meridian Gate 밖에 도착했을 때 차에서 내려 걸었습니다.Zhu Houzhao와 Fang Jifan은 말을 타고 끊임없이 군마에게 빨리 움직이라고 촉구했습니다.
qiyezp.com
아무 말도 하지 않고 즉시 누군가에게 보고를 내각에 보내라고 지시했다.
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Hongzhi 황제는 가볍게 썼습니다. “당연히 청의 일이 아니므로 크게 신경 쓰지 않습니다.”
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freeflowincome.com
그의 경기력은 정말 실망스러웠고 완전히 패배한 것처럼 보였습니다.
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この記事は本当に素晴らしい。心から感謝しています。
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Hongzhi 황제에게 오늘날의 으깬 감자는 참으로 매우 불쾌합니다.
qiyezp.com
수천만 냥의 은화를 놓쳤다고 생각하니 마음이 조금 아팠다.
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sandyterrace.com
상사는 앞으로 나아가 퉁명스럽게 말했다. “감히 당신의 성을 물어 보면 왜 문에 와야할지 모르겠습니다.”
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사실… 연구소에서는 지금도 의심되는 비료 수십, 수백 가지를 조사하고 있습니다.
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素晴らしい記事!読むたびに新しいことを発見できます。
qiyezp.com
Ouyang Zhi는 모든 링크를 응시하며 하루에 2시간 30분만 잔다.
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この記事のおかげで、多くの実用的な知識を得ることができました。
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読むのが楽しみで仕方ありません。毎回更新を楽しみにしています!
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지금 이 남자는 여전히 긴 소매를 질질 끌며 어깨를 나란히 하고 서 있었다.
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